dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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