I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
