party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
