4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
