My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
