So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
