She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
