she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
worst night to have a conscience
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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