and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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