i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
