Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
