Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
