$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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