Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
