Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
