Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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