I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
