When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
