He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
