Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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