i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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