apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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