i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
