Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
