he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
