I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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