When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
