can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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