I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
