it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am naked and annoyed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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