the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
