Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Too much gin, very little bucket
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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