did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
