The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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