I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just gargled with NyQuil
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