Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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