That's when you crack a 10am beer
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
