kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We are two peas in an std pod
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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