I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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