Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
