I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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