it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
