Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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