Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
