guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
