hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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