Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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