my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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