Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize