I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
