Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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