I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
