told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
