they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
