and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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