the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize