Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
