Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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