Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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