So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize