if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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