Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
