dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
