oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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