the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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