Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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