Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
