I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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