Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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