dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
