im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
