Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
