Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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