pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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