i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
