so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
