Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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