It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
