I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
