Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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