You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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